graceless

2006-09-21T18:48:00.000-07:00

How well do you know your friends?

Not well at all apparently.

And I'm not one to use the word "friend" lightly. Of the 1700+ people that attend my school I know atleast half... and about half of those I'd call acquaintances. Of those apx. 425 kids, 4 are what I'd call friends. Four.

Four people that I would say I know pretty well: their likes and dislikes, abilities and disabilities, and their basic histories - good and bad. Evidently I was wrong because I learned a lot today that I never knew. And not stupid stuff like so-and-so told him that I like him or she stole my boyfriend. No no. It's more like a part of someone's life just isn't the same because so-and-so is a malicious biatch.

W/e. I'm sure there's tons more that I don't know. Maybe it's better that way. It just got me thinking... how well can you really know a person? Everyone has their walls set up, walls that protect from others, wall that protect them from themselves. Some come crashing down easier than others and some just won't come down at all.

"And it hurts when you're lonely and I'm standing right beside you. And it hurt when you told me that you'll try this on your own. Hope you never hurt. Hope you never cry. Hope you never lose your way tonight. Hope you never crumble. Hope you never fall. Hope you never throw away the.."

2006-09-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

"Field workers at the Save the Children shelter in Korem witnessed a battalion of Ethiopian troops surround their camp and seize several hundred people. Tens of thousands were rounded up, weak and emaciated, and packed tightly into Russian transport planes and trucks. Some suffocated; some were crushed to death: pregnant women miscarried: families were split apart. Starving peasants fled in droves from the shelters rather than face deportation. Hundreds of thousands took refuge in Sudan. Thousands tried to escape resettlement camps despite the risk of being shot. 'If I can go home and spend one night with my family, I'll go, and if they kill me it doesn't matter because life here is useless for me,' one deserter told researchers. By February 1986, when the resettlement campaign was stopped, some 600,000 people had been moved; an estimated 50,000 had died in the upheaval." -The Fate of Africa

This is after the 1984 famine in Ethiopia. They say a million people died in 1984-5, but no one really knows how many.

I've read through 341 pages of this book dry eyed... I've been reading a history. It's over, done with, and I'm simply informing myself of what has happened in Africa in the last 50 years. Page 342 has me crying and I really don't know if I'm going to keep reading. Maybe it's because I'm Ethiopian and all this history finally has a personal connection. Maybe.

But I don't think so. I'm not the only one that was especially affected by this specific situation. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" and "We are the World" were a response to the broadcasting of the horror in Korem. Live Aid too.

Just thought I'd share... I think I'm gonna go finish my book.

"Knowledge is power"

But "Ignorance is bliss"

Weird.

2006-09-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

Ah, the senior year.

So I've survived the first week of my final year... I think I can make it through the rest.

Anyway, I'm reading this book called The Fate of Africa (written by Martin Meredith I think??) and it's insanely interesting. It's basically a history of the 50ish years since independence. It's crazy. Like when the Belgians started dishing out id cards for the hutus and the tutsis. You know what they did when they couldn't tell the difference?? (over time intermarriages had blurred the already minimal differences) They counted their cows!No lie! If you had less than 10 cows you were labelled a hutu, the lower but majority group. More than 10 and you're a tutsi, priviledged, but still not equal to the belgians.

There's some other interesting stuff too. Like Nkrumah's (I think I'm butchering there peoples names, I'm sorry) new political theories. African socialism, apparently it always existed. Kinda makes some sense. Actually he was a pretty fascinating guy. His reasoning for establishing a one-party state (communism anyone?) was essentially that real democracy wouldn't ever come about if there was always debate from petty opposition and that multi-parties were only necessary for democracy in a society with more than one class (westerners). Therefore, according to him, because africans had only one class (is this true?), they only needed one party and were still democratic.

Most memorable part so far? Lumumba's freak out speech after hearing the lies of flattery to King Badouin (sorry again) on independence ceremonies in the Congo. "We are no longer your monkeys..." Gotta love it. Of course he ends up making enemies with everyone till the CIA wants him dead.

Crazy stuff. After a while of reading this book you kinda get the vibe that the africans should have just kept the colonial rule. The entire continent went into utter chaos for the next 50 years, the african leaders that came into power when the europeans left just couldn't seem to do the job. But is that their fault?

My thoughts? A political system reflects the society it belongs to, right? The governmental system that these african leaders had to take on were not their own but that of another people and so was doomed not to work. I think... And on top of that, the europeans didn't do a great job of exemplifying the democratic ways of their governments while they were in Africa.

Thoughts Abby?

2006-09-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

Did ya miss me??

I'd kinda forgotten about all this (thanks for the heads up Abby) so I still need to get back into the whole groove of writing to an invisible audience... which probably defeats the purpose but hey, I'm a strange kid, what can I say.

So I just got back from YouthWeek (self explanatory, oui?) and I'm still processing a bunch of stuff. The theme was unity but that's not really what got me thinking... here goes:

My buddy Catherine (not real name, you know the drill) got a phone call half way through the week... a girl she had worked with for 2 weeks earlier in the summer had been killed in a car accident. Brutal news. Especially when you're surrounded by people so you can't really grieve, and you're out in the middle of northern Ontario with no way out. No way to get home, only one hope to get to the funeral and little room to breathe.

By friday it was official, she couldn't make it to the funeral, and the rest of us struggled to help her out. With some extremely inspiring effort we put together a little memorial kind of thing around a campfire. One guy said some words, some of us read some verses and two guys wrote a song. Something the first guy said really stuck with me: "This was not God's plan for Madison..."

Whoa. It wasn't? But isnt everything in God's plan? "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him," Romans 8:28. So, I thought that verse would reassure me that what I'd always thought was true. I had always believed that God didn't cause "bad things" to happen, but used them for his own purposes. And, in essence, I wasn't wrong, but I'd still always considered this a part of God's "plan".

But God's original plan was perfect. He created the world and said it was good, excellent in every way. It was us who screwed that all up. His "plan" was that we'd " know Him, and lead other to know Him too" -Shannon.

That's kind of encouraging, because I'd really struggle with a God who could plan that parents should bury their children.

2006-02-17T15:48:00.000-08:00

Anyone ever notice how gigangtic the world is? There's so much to do, so much to see... so many decisions.

1st period today I wanted to be a historian (I was in history class). Then we got talking about liberalism and suddenly I was meant to be the next Prime Minister of Canada. Anthro brought out the Diane Fossey in all of us (never heard of? google her, smart chick she was). The solid logic of physics kicks in, then biology. Make biochemists of us all wouldn't you Del Maestro!

To be perfectly honest, I have no clue what I want to do with my life. Everything is so intriguing, everything is interesting. Children are starving, I'd like to feed them, gorillas are dying, shouldn't we save them? Build houses with Habitat for Humanity, dig a well in Sierra Leone, fight the government, be the government...

I want to be a rockstar, I want to save the world, I want to get married and be supermom, I want to visit each continent atleast once, I want to do it all!

But I can't have it all, can I?

Nope. Why couldn't I have a specific dream? My friends know what they want to do; 10 years from now odds are one will be a musician, the other a pilot, a soccer player, and a nurse. Me? I think I'll create a profession all my own, I shall call it "the life, today", then I could do everything and say it's in the job description.

A brilliant person once told me " I just want to live one moment at a time" I second that.

At this moment I am a 16 year old chick with the greatest goofball of all time as a best/boyfriend. I have a bunch of nutty friends and a head full of nuttier notions of life. Today I am Grace the simplifier. Tomorrow I'll be Grace the philosopher, then Grace the musician and so on and so forth.

One moment at a time I will be everything I was ever meant to be.

2006-01-30T15:22:00.000-08:00

blah!

Exams are finally over!

Camp in 4 days, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeha!

Have you ever blown anything completely out of proportion? I think it's the constant theme of my life story: make everything so much more of a problem than it really is, worry yourself sick till you realize "Wow, it doesn't even matter!"

It's the truth! This weekend has been a perfect example of all this for me, a "kairos" moment if you will (thanks Dean!). No point into getting into details but I basically read a situation all wrong (maybe, maybe not, but again, it doesn't matter) and it really hurt me. Like alot, like the roof is caving in on my life and I'm not gonna survive it kind of hurt. It wrecked my entire day! And possibly my final french mark. I had to take the bus home from said "situation" and was wearing shoes that would have caused no problem except for it started raining!!!!! Yes, just my luck. So I was out in the freezing rain and my feet go numb so that I dont realize my shoes are scraping the back of my ankles raw. A random stranger at the bus stop noticed and said "Ouch, that looks like it hurts" Like the big baby that I am I look down and see the back of my shoes soaked with blood and only then do I feel the pain. Long story short, crappy weather got worse, cuts got more painful and bus ride took 2 hours instead of 1. Then I got home and cried... and cried and got about 20 mins of studying for my french exam before I crashed on my couch.

All over something I had no proof of.

Let's say I'm right (still not sure). God forbid the worst case scenario in my head is what's really going on, what am I really gonna lose? Well, a lot... but that's beside the point. The point is I don't know the blueprints for my life, they're in God's hands. And even though things can really really hurt, you never know what new opportunity just opened up because of the pain. Sometimes plan B works out better than plan A... and sometimes its plan C or D which kinda sucks but hey, life's like that for some of us.

I think my realizing that is making me a lot less stressed. I'm the kind of person that will probably get to plan J and K before things make sense and I envy you lucky kids that got everything at plan A but that's alright cuz experience makes you a stronger person. I'll be superwoman before I die and that's alright with me!

2005-12-21T14:51:00.000-08:00

ODE TO J

I was out roaming the city the other day
When I spotted a 747 whiz by
I cursed under my breath as I began to say
"Darn you J, I can name that thing in the sky!"

So I get home and starting making my gifts
Santa's workshope for the ones that make me smile
Necklaces and scarves, to each his own fit
But nothing to give you, nothing worthwhile

I'd give you some cash but I'm much too poor
I'd give you "her" but she's not so sure
I'd give you a plane, that's got some allure
But alas I simply can't... and I'm all out of "oors" (LOL)

So here's my __________(insert adjective of choice) gift to you:
A cheesy bunch of mismatched lines
A poem, if to call it that you choose
A mess, I'll call it, with wretched rhymes.

"Loves" surely will come and go
And yes, the GTA will continue to grow
But that Constant remains constant when it's warm and when it's cold
To make those warm nights cooler and the cold ones glow

So don't you dare give up on life or it will give up on you
And don't you give up on God either 'cause your faith will get you through
When time begins to blur and everything fades to blue
Remember: someone still believes in you.

Grace Belayneh

Merry Christmas loserchild, hope it's a good one! lol

2005-12-11T17:43:00.000-08:00

So... how 'bout that weather?

Cold and fun I guess. A dull topic but the safest one because politics and religion is seriously off limits during CHRISTMAS season.

I went gift shopping last week and I swear I didn't see anything saying Christmas on it. There's 'Season's Greetings' and 'Happy Holidays' but not a 'Merry Christmas' in sight! I bought a shirt that said Merry Merry Merry on it, it was the closest I could get... atleast the 'Christmas' was implied! The funny part is I haven't found a single person that has a problem with the Unspeakable Word, in fact I've heard many more complaints from Muslims, Buddhists, Atheists, etc. than I have from Christians themselves. As a school we've celebrated Diwali and Eed... what makes Christmas out of bounds? But whatever... it bothers me but I'm tired of fighting the "christian" fight in this politically correct world. Either way everyone thinks "Christmas" when they hear jingle bells and see santa beside a tree no matter what the posters say. And even more importantly : it's not the phrase that counts, it's the message. One saying "Merry Christmas" without knowing Jesus doesn't get himself saved nor do Christians save others by wishing the same blessing. It seems to me that accepting the "political correctness" of all this would do the world a lot more good than me fighting it so Happy Holidays to you all!

Happy Holidays to our next potential Prime Ministers too! That's a scary thought, though I have an inkling that the man with the same initials as the title will eventually regain his status. Lukewarm is Canada's favourite temperature, Harper's too cold and Layton just a tad too toasty. Honestly though, I'm tired of hearing that Conservative is the Christian way to go... just because they support the christian social outlook on things. Yeah, I disagree with homosexuality but Canada is a free country, a trait we flaunt about recklessly, and therefore the government should represent that characteristic. A government truly representative of it's people is the only goverment that should be in power, logically speaking. Not one that reperesents the upper middle class, nor that of the unions... so yes, if I was of the age of majority, I'd vote liberal. Or the Green Party, they seem cool, lol. And all those people out there that refuse to vote, you're a huge dissapoint to me. If only that freedom was taken away from you... If ever I hear you complain about politics (and yes, I am speaking to specific people, you know who you are) I will hurt you! No, I won't, but imagine the difference a bunch of 18 year olds could make with the new power they've been given.

The possibilities.

But I'll stick to the weather from now on... I've found that being controversial is mentally draining.

2005-11-25T15:45:00.000-08:00

the unaccomodated christian

I heard a story once about a group of native people living in unchartered lands (I think it was the Amazon but I might be wrong). They had not been reached by missionaries or 'civilized' man at any point in time until someone happened to find them (I don't know the details, just getting across the general point). This is what they found: A people that believed in a higher power that had created their universe. They believed in a man that was a man but still that higher power and that this man made a huge sacrifice to make up for all their mistakes.

No, they didn't use the words sin or Jesus Christ or even God but they knew what they were talking about. The Bible says God will make himself known to His people, that He works in mysterious ways... pretty cool, non?

It just makes me think: would they be considered christians? They believe in a saviour who died for them, they don't call him Jesus but it's all the same isn't it?

So one can be a follower of Christ without attending a church then, without reading the Bible and without even calling God by that name. Harder yes, but impossible? I don't know.

2005-11-22T09:00:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh, there really is a band called Three Random Words!

www.leedsmusicscene.net/article/2532/

I'm not so bored that I looked that up, it was one of the guys I was with when we talked about it. LOL

2005-11-21T14:00:00.000-08:00

random kinda short story (untitled)

The night was dark and the house was asleep but his bed was empty. His disturbed brain had forced him out of bed 20 minutes before sunrise for the twelfth day in a row and his behaviour was beginning to reflect it.

With a storm on his mind and a grimace on his face he leaves for his morning run. "Must lose weight, must look good." he chants to himself, his only encouragement. It was the twelfth day of regular cardio and there still wasn't a single shed pound to show for it. A block from his house he stops to catch his breath, bends over and get the worst possible view of his protruding belly. "What's the point?" he thinks to himself as he walks back home, past Bradley McCauley's house. The grimace gets grimmer.

"Not tall enough,"
The sweater comes off.
"Not buff enough,"
Shirt gets ripped off.
"Not smart enough,"
Gone are the sweatpants.

Not handsome enough, not talented enough, not skilled enough... Why does she love me? Does she love me?

A half hour later he walks out the door, off to that blasted building of institutionalized learning with a storm still on his mind but a new smile plastered on his face. For he must smile, must laugh, must joke, must be perfect mustn't he? He wears a cross, indeed he must.

And so the sun rises and the sun sets and he finds himself at home again. 200 car crashes are reported that day and he thanks God he wasn't in one of them. And yet he was and still is, a constant crash he is.

But don't get him wrong, he's no loser, he's popular enough. There's a party tonight, good food, great friends, wicked awesome time! He arrives with a smile but a frown, he jokes through the internal struggle,never to be seen and loneliness keeps beating at his heart even when he's surrounded by friends.

Eventually he finds the piano, the one he dearly wishes he could fly his fingers over and create a beautiful sound with. The one who keeps this simple joy from him and yet calms him too. It's the music only he can hear but cannot make. Why is there comfort here?

She walks in worried about him, her rugged but gorgeous presence fills the room. She tries to understand him, and she does... a little, but her eyes fall on his and he wishes she could be like the piano. Her arms bring some comfort all the same.

Twelve days later he's up before sunrise again, out for a run. Bradley McCauley looks out his window and wonders why such an awesome guy feels the need to resemble him. Why one blessed with the love of a Father and a beautiful girl wears a grimace when no one's around.

No one sees the storm on his mind and sometimes even he doesn't understand it but it's there and always will be as he yearns for the piano and his rugged girl. He believes he needs nothing else.

2005-11-19T05:31:00.000-08:00

THREE RANDOM WORDS

Has anyone noticed that bands keep coming out with more and more pointless names? I'm pretty sure that at one point in time the name of your band was in some way representative of who you were or what you were doing, now it's just so... random!

I was walking on a path with some friends after school yesterday and we saw a car that we all agreed had a heinous colour (yeah, that's right, coloUr). Metallic mustard :( all this after having a whole discussion on the dementedness of band names. Chances are there's a band out there named Metallic Mustard!

We came to the conclusion that if we had a dictionary in front of us and flipped to 3 totally random pages and picked 3 totally random words that the odds of a band with that combination of words as a name are pretty high.

I say we start a band and call it Three Random Words.

2005-11-14T14:30:00.000-08:00

Hey!

This is so short notice I doubt anyone will see it in time for this to work. I emailed the mayor's office last week about the Shepherd's House, last I heard they were being evicted as of 2 days from now and I thought, perhaps, the City could do something about it. I got no response. So here's the plan: mayor@brampton.ca. Maybe if enough people bother to do something about it it'll make a difference. Maybe.

By the way, ever heard of Corpus Christi? It's a satirical play about Jesus and his disciples as a bunch of homosexuals... apparently they're trying to release a movie version of the play in the United States. A little sick, non?

2005-11-13T19:23:00.000-08:00

DUDE.

An odd, eccentric dude walked into our youth group a couple of weeks ago and has come a few times since then. He used to look the part of the odd eccentric: had the long, awkwardly cut hair, etc. But he cut his hair, he's cleaned up and he's back.

He's a talented guy, great guitar player and owns a HUGE vocabulary... kinda makes you wonder if being under the influence of stuff actually makes you smarter. Any how... this intriguing character is not the main point of this post, the group's reaction to him is.

The first night he graced us with his presence he volunteered to pray out loud for the Shepherd's House (awesome!) after asking a good question that was completely misunderstood (he asked something to the effect of "What's the obligation", he was refering to what the obligation for him to pray was, not the obligations of the House). An awkward prayer but apparently one from the heart but he got muffled chuckles from the group. Every time he's opened his mouth since, there's been someone laughing at him. I'm not entirely sure if it's the way he speaks or what he's saying but I know I've had a few laughs at his expense and I feel suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper guilty.

This isn't the way we should be treating people. Not at home, not on the street and certainly not in the house of the Lord. People's circumstances need to be understood, and even if they're not a level of mutual respect needs to be in place because that is simply... respectful.

Anyways... there's some thoughts. Ciao.

2005-11-01T19:52:00.000-08:00

A CONTRADICTION.

How do you know when you're giving too much? Can you give too much?? It seems that, in christian terms, there's no such thing as giving too much... Forgive 77 times 7 times, and Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice. Sounds like you really can't give TOO much.

But everyone has their breaking point and I think I can see mine far out on the horizon. I'm involved ina few too many activities and it hurts because I really can't think of how can minimize all this without being un-Christlike.

I was in Christian Fellowship at school last year (am no longer a part of it, it's too complicated) and we did a study on 1st and 2nd Timothy as well as Titus. I remember somewhere in there a lesson about some clues to identifying cultish behaviour (this is a pretty unfair analysis, targetted specific groups and was part of the complicating thing). Apparently as soon as the majority of your free time is spent with the group or helping the group it becomes dangerous. I'm not calling my church a cult at all, not at all, but it seems like everyone gets suckered in to helping out with everything. Or maybe it's just me. I can't say no, it's kind of a problem.

But I know it's not just me, I've seen it happen to too many people, not just at our church building but at a bunch of others too. The number of folks I know that have left the church (I'm not sure if that's just the building or not) or are extremely irked by it is a little disturbing. The thing is, I don't have a problem with helping out, it's fun! My problem is when it becomes expected of you, when you lose the status of needing to be asked, that's when it hurts and becomes a little disrespectful.

So when is enough enough? When is it that one person's sacrifice (a.k.a burden) becomes too much? When it's convenient? When you're burnt out?

I don't know man, it's a weird question. I guess if you're doing things for the right reasons you won't get burnt out. Glorifying God, no matter the sacrifice would only make you stronger wouldn't it?

I hate it when what I type doesn't sound as coherent as what's goin on in my head. Maybe I'll elaborate later, maybe not.

I'm goin on a field trip tomorrow to see Macbeth, maybe I'll come back wanting to be a witch, because we all know the adolescent mind is so easily impressionable. Shelter yourselves!! It's the only way to keep yourself pure!

K, I'm done. My sarcasm is odd in the written word.

2005-10-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

THAT OTHER ISSUE AT THIS TIME.

Our dteam briefly touched on this subject last week. It was pretty interesting because someone I thought would have similar thoughts on the issue didn't... but I can't really say that because both of us aren't really sure. No one is really, and we won't be until one (freaking awesome) day when many things will become much clearer.

So there's 2 sides that I know of to the problem.

1) God is always in control, always. Everything that has happened, is happening and will happen is known to Him for it is all in His master plan. The sun came out this morning at the exact second He commanded it to (did it even come out? I must have missed that...). He made sure your shoe laces were tied so you wouldn't trip on them and He made you forget your homework on the kitchen table because He decided it was time for your teacher to blow off some steam. The Bible says He even knows the number of hairs there are on our heads! Our God has a plan and we all live by it whether we like it or not. Our God is a control freak.

2) God, though incontrol, allows things to happen, He does not plan every step we take but let's us take the step. Yes, He lets you trip over your laces, but then you learn to always check and sure He allowed you to forget your homework but how else would you ever learn to remember? The Bible says that God is love. He loves us enough to let us go through pain to grow, our God is a passive daddy that throws his son into the pool counting on his instincts to keep him afloat, ready to jump in if needed but willing to stay out for a greater good.

Both scenarios raise problems. If God plans everything did He plan Hurricane Katrina? And the tsunami? It's nice to think God plans everything when life is peachy... He picked that awesome boyfriend just for you and that shirt fits you just right so you can go knock 'em all dead. But then God would have also planned the deaths of millions of people, indeed every single person for we all shall die one day. Our heavenly Father is a murderer?!

The second one causes issues of it's own. When is pain enough for God to intervene? How far will you sink before daddy comes to get you? Will daddy get you?!

Let's simplify: Say there's a man (Bob). Bob has a beautiful wife and 3 gorgeous little boys. It's Civic Holiday so everyone's at home enjoying the day, Bob goes to the fridge for some milk and finds none. Off to the grocery store! But this wonderful day takes a turn for the worse, waaaaaaaaaay worse. Bob returns to his house only to find there's nothing left of it. A fire had broken out and burnt down the whole house, family and all.

Scenario 1 would seem to portray that God planned for Bob to go to the grocery store so he would escape this disaster. It's a pity that his family had to die but there's a specific plan for Bob's life that required this to happen. We don't know what the plan is, that's all in God's hands but rest assured, God was in control the whole time.

Scenario 2 doesn't sound too much better. Accidents happen, maybe little Joey was playing with a candle, I don't know. God did not plan for the 4 most important people in Bob's life to die, He allowed it knowing that He can use all things for His glory. God is no monster, He is only allowing the real monster to run his course (us humans, or the devil, interpret the real monster however you wish). God uses all to His advantage.

I don't know which one is correct. I have a feeling it's none and yet both and some more all combined. Like I said, we couldn't possibly know because then we would have understood a little bit of our Creator's mind and that a mere human could do such a thing would be an insult.

2005-10-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Wow. I don't really know where to start. I guess I should apologize for not finding a more diplomatic way of writing that last post (though you all found it much more entertaining) Sorry all. And thank you to a crapload of people. I'm not a superhero and I don't especially like that label. Anyone who had been informed about the situation would have done the same, I don't believe I know a soul that would sit and watch as people suffered knowing that they could do something about it. I'm glad someone was able to snap me out of my ignorant state (not ignorance by choice I might add, as is often the case), thankful that the last little while has provided me with brilliant people and awesome resources that made acting on an instinct that much easier and thankful that God answers prayers.

The church wrote a cheque paying the hydro bill for the Shepherd's House (yeah!!!) and is apparently (hopefully) finding ways to continue helping them.

I don't know what else to say... I'm psyched. It's cool watching the concepts you've been taught being applied, like when you find an actual place you can use finding the imaginary roots of a complex equation or the passé simple - french tense used ONLY in literature (still looking for practical applications of these).

And it's funny because for the last short while I was a pissed off (enter word of choice here), though no one noticed because evidently I'm good at hiding these things (or people just don't know me well enough to notice). Either way, under any other circumstances my anger would be justified but under mine they are not because I have seen what it's like to live like these guys at the House, and better than anyone here in Bramton I understand what the ghetto really is. Not to mention the whole ethiopian catastrophe. I'm definitely not justified and constant reminders of how well off I am is always a good thing.

Though I doubt God created these situations for me to learn from them. He doesn't enjoy watching people suffer, he couldn't. So does God just allow everything to happen and then salvage what's left to "teach" us or do these things all happen for a reason, God is in control isn't he? He could save us from our misery....

Oye, that's another issue for another time and maybe another post. I'm out.

2005-10-12T20:08:00.000-07:00

I'M SORRY, I'M BEING RUDE AND I TRULY DON'T CARE.

What the frig is an already huge and boomingly successful baptist church gonna do with $100,00.00? Why build some more pews of course! And update the security system while we're at it.

I can hear it now, the toilet flushing down all that money, down it goes. I don't know if anyone's realized but every time people build new ways of protecting themselves someone just finds a newer way of doing what's wrong. Please follow me on my journey as my new and improved permanent marker still washes out, as my neighbours house still gets robbed even with AlarmForce and even as I am trained on how to detect counterfeits of the new 'uncounterfeitable' $20 bill. I might be being unfair here, topnotch security is always a good thing but you see, my friends brand new laptop with the most updated firewalls just got a virus, and I'M NOT SURPRISED!

Oh, and you know, we are the body of Christ, there's no longer any need to bring people to the church because the 'church' is no longer 'a place where' but 'a people who'. We've found our old ways inadequate and now go out into our mission field, not in search of souls to save and bring to the 'church' but in search of humanity, society that desperately needs the hands and feet of Jesus. More pews please.

I don't get it.

You know the Shepherd's House that feeds and houses the homeless of Brampton's core is getting no hydro right at this moment? They don't have the money to pay for it while we add more pews to our already gigantic church building.

Someone make sense of this for me, please, please do.

We ask What Would Jesus Do, He says feed my people, clothe my children, care for my sheep. We say we are the body of Christ... and yet his people are hungry, his children shiver from the cold, and his sheep? They are lost, lost in the chill of a canadian automn, but worse: lost in our apathy.

Not cool man, not cool at all.

2005-10-07T18:47:00.000-07:00

FOR ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALL SHORT...

Gah! I'm so confuzzled. Everyone's turning homo/bisexual!!

What do you do when someone you've known well, someone who shared your hopes and dreams for the future and your faith (which makes this that much more baffling) admits to being bisexual?

How do I continue loving him/her unconditionally as Christ would when they are doing/ saying things that are rather blasphemous?

Do I even have the right to be thinking these thoughts?

If God accepts us as we are and if we are to love everyone, even our ennemies, then wouldn't loving a friend who happens to differ in sexual preference be a given? I mean, he/she isn't even an enemy! Only an imperfect soul, just like me... and you... and all of us.

I believe that homosexuality is wrong... but so is lying, and stealing, and cheating. And all sins are equal so for me to even consider loving a bisexual friend differently would mean I'd have to love my lying, potty-mouthed, cheating, stealing etc. friends differently too. I'd be a loner within minutes.

But some 'christians' seem to have a problem with my line of thought. "There are sins that everyone commits and then there are sins..." says he. What the heck is that supposed to mean?

I don't know... I really don't... I need sleep.

btw, if x or y... or z happens to be reading this, you're all still good friends, no matter what.

2005-09-26T16:15:00.000-07:00

PLANTING THE SEEDS OF A LESS SELFISH GENERATION
...at a public school that probably couldn't care less...

Me and my buddy Leanna are trying to pull off the impossible. A huge 30 Hour Famine All-Nighter at our public secondary school. We tried to do it last year, but who knew a rather large event would require that much planning? So we decided we'd get a head start this year... a 9 month head start. They call it initiative, lol!

Anyways, we both come from christian homes and both feel the need to help the less fortunate. Maybe that has something to do with our 'religious' upbringing (religion being a taboo word... cuz "religion kills, you know"-anonymous in my english class) or maybe it's just cuz we happen to have that bit of human nature that just wants to help. You know, that pang everyone gets when they see a homeless person on the streets, unless of course, you live in downtown Toronto and have grown accustomed and a little callous towards it.

I hope it's the latter. I hope there really is something in all of us that really does feel a need to do something about the world's sorry state whether we follow Mohammed or Jesus Christ... or Buddha, or are still waiting for something, or are even waiting for nothing.

Either way, we're trying to pull this thing off, raise a bunch of money for a worthy cause, and have fun doing it. Trying to get this freakin wicked awesome band called Manic Drive to play but I haven't heard back from them yet, which is kinda depressing. I know I should give it some time but I'm not a very patient person and I'm giving up hope, slowly.

I'm hoping and praying that they'll come, it would be so awesome. Also hoping that people will realize how much they can do for someone other than themselves (the prevalent attitude). Maybe that's a little too much to wish for...

2005-09-13T16:06:00.000-07:00

K, so about this book by some guy...

I was told by a few people not to read it, that it would brainwash me into thinking 'they' were right, that my mind would bombarded and therefore corrupted by this 'cult' and get sucked onto 'their' absurdities. Sounds alot like evangelism/outreach, non?

Well... I'm reading it anyways, cuz being contrary can be pretty amusing, and educational. But I'm thinking that my having read this book makes the one camp assume they are correct and I have gone over to the dark side, and I have no idea what the other camp thinks... I don't even know who belongs to that camp.

Anyways, I think I'm going to steal a little history lesson from the book, it was the first thing that really made me think (this isn't a quote so don't quote me on quoting the book) :

Once upon a time there existed the Ancient World. There were christians then,though very small in number. They lived their lives in an ancient way (the only way they knew) and hence practiced their faith in an ancient way - read their ancient translation of the Bible from their ancient view point and lived by an ancient moral code (of course they did not consider it ancient then). But then a horrible thing happened : at apx. A.D 500 time moved on and soon the Ancient World existed no more. So here we stumble into the Medieval World, christianity is HUGE! in Western Europe. Again, they practiced their faith in their medieval way, read their medieval translation from their medieval viewpoint and lived by their medieval moral code (though t'was a modern one to them) But again the curse of time has outdated their age and their way of christianity becomes ancient along with it (no, not their God, their way of christianity) The amazing castles and monasteries, though in their prime, grudgingly give way to the Modern World. The age of science and logic (the artistic would also point out the death of the arts) I guess I'll do the whole process again (sigh) Modern way of faith, modern way of reading Bible, modern moral code. Now here lies the problem. That horrible time monster has struck again and though most of the church hasn't noticed (we always seem to be the last) the Modern World, just like the Ancient and Medieval one, exists no more. Well... not necessarily... it does till exist but it's outdated and so is our way of christianity.

See, there's nothing wrong with the different time periods or the christians in them. Modern christians are no better than medieval ones or even ancient ones... they are just more relevant to their own time periods. I could never be a christian by ancient standards, I'd be considered a prostitute cuz my ears are pierced. And I'd be a heathen to the medievals, how could anyone other than the whites be saved?!

We are now in the Post-Modern World. What have we attached to Modern christianity that isn't necessary? How do we become more relevant to our times?

That's all for now folks.

2005-09-09T18:51:00.000-07:00

I'm goin nuts. There's way too much on my plate: school sucks (especially with mean teachers), my faith- or concept of faith- is a little bonkers... nuts. I'm goin nuts. NUTS!

I really didn't think juggling 5 courses instead of 4 would be this difficult. And I really didn't think each and every teacher would get such a bad impression of me within 4 days. I guess being a black female with headphones on all the time makes me illiterate and idiotic (if you know me there's your chance to laugh at the irony of that... no I'm not conceited, I swear, lol) I also happen to have a hearing impaired person in my math class so the teacher has a mic attached to his shirt pocket that somhow connects to her hearing aid... but the mic is weak so he essentially yells every single freaking word he speaks for an hour and 15 minutes. I do sympathize with her situation, but I sit in the front. And I'm going deaf.

So... I'm reading this book by some guy and it's really making me think. Maybe we're all misunderstanding this whole 'Emerging church' thing (post-modern... w/e you wanna call it) I don't really know what to say... times are changing, inside and outside the church. What can ya do?

I shall elaborate sooner or later... just not now. 4pgs of math, 2 of french, 1 of biz and 3 new band pieces await being mastered. Ciao!

2005-08-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

THE TORCH BURNS ONE MORE...

It's a weird thing to watch favouritism in action, but what can ya really do?

Nothing.

But I'm good, I keep my cool as I watch the torch pass right over my head to the next person in line when he/she already had a portable flashlight to begin with! That's a lie, I, Grace, am not capable of keeping my cool... atleast not for long. The torch is gone but I still got you* and my homeboy J.C. ...that's good enough for me!

And isn't that the flashlight we all have at the bottom of our deepest, most cluttered pockets? The one waiting for us to click the darn thing on so that that freakin torch loses all of it's (worthless) value?

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful, where Your streams of abundance flow, blessed be Your name... AND (still) blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness blessed be Your name.

click.

2005-08-10T05:54:00.000-07:00

A FIVE LETTER WORD...

Trust. What is trust? How do you know who you really can trust? Geeze... for five letter word it sure is jam-packed with alot of important stuff!

I don't know if I trust him, I really don't know. I know I love him and I know he loves me... I know that what we have is special.

But he's at camp 3 hours away and that's reason to stress. Let me tell you about camp: Camp makes smart people do stupid things, camp makes hormones a million times harder to deal with and camp 3 hours away from the girlfriend gives a guy options...

Options are a funny thing. Options to a geeky nerd just don't mean the same thing as they do to a good lookin 17 year old... let's just say he's not a geek.

In my heart, the place that loves him more than I've ever loved anything, I know he won't do anything. But the brain tells me things like " Teen-age boys are nothing hormone-conrolled robots..." And with every new piece of fabricated "logic" the brain takes another stab at the heart with the dagger they call Doubt, and soon the dagger will shatter the heart if something doesn't change.

But something does change.

" I love you too much" he says. And with those words the heart wins the battle. My heart wins the battle, because love really does conquer all.

2005-08-08T06:12:00.000-07:00

NOTE-TO-SELF

September
NO EVENT
take polls of stuff: favorite sports, spirit week suggestions, etc.

October
SPORTS MONTH
week 1. basketball tourny
week 2, 4. buy outs for w/e team is doing best
*all money made goes to school sports teams

November
HABITAT FOR HUMANITY DANCE
volunteer DJ??
assembly with an HFH rep.
tickets... $10? gotta be expensive to cover costs and still make a significant donation to HFH

December
CHRISTMAS FOOD DRIVE
assembly, rep. from Shepherd's House (Linda?)
*slide show of less fortunate ppl
Homeform donation competition... HF that wins gets a day off to deliver food and/or serve at a soup kitchen

January
WORLD VISION 30 HOUR FAMINE
assembly as early on in the month as possible, rep. from World Vision
all nighter (last friday-sat of the month)
*must raise min. $25ish to get in
*local bands on stage
*movies on the projector

February
BREAST CANCER + VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE
volunteer DJ??
$5 tickets
*proceeds go to Breast Cancer Research
*$4 if you have a ribbon
end of the month informative assembly
*rep. from where?
*slideshow of cute couples in the school (valentine's yada yada)

March
SPIRIT WEEK
PJ day, Beach day,semi-formal day, big-up-your country day... and something from the poll in the september
*fashion show during lunch periods

April
UNITED WAY BENEFIT CONCERT
local bands
*ask early enough and get good connections and we might get some really good ones
$4 tickets... proceeds go to United Way
night with no night school

May
FOOD DRIVE REVISITED
people need to eat everyday not just christmastime
same competition as december but week 1. niners comp. week 2. gr 10s... etc. so that food is being delivered every week.

June
??????????

2005-08-03T06:29:00.000-07:00

OH BROTHER...

I've been cursed. Cursed by the existence of a younger brother.

Some would call it a blessing, some would even scold me for being so ungrateful... I don't really care. I've never met anyone on the face of this entire planet that can bug me the way he does, and I'm not generally an easily irritated person.

And the worst part is: I get labelled as the mean older sister! "Why are you so mean to your brother?", "He's so cute!!", "Oh, be nice". You know what? Maybe I am the mean older sister, maybe I am, but I've got my reasons, reasons that you will never understand... unless, perhaps, you've been cursed/blessed with an evil pest for a bro too.

Just 'cause he's a cool kid around you doesn't mean he's that cool at home... and even some of his 'coolness' around you is just hidden stabs at my sanity. I can't really explain this, it's quite a phenomenon.

So the conclusion is: I'm a jerk to my kid brother... but there's more to it than you will ever know.

2005-07-31T18:42:00.000-07:00

FOOT-IN-MOUTH

Maybe it's time I shoved my foot into my mouth and left it there for good...

Wow, I think the powers that be just applauded at my burst of wisdom!

Nah, I didn't do anything horribly embarassing... just irritated at the fact that I seem much more capable of writing/typing what I have to say than actually saying it verbally. This being the case, I'm gonna type as much of my decent thoughts as possible before I pass out from exhaustion.

Jane*, I believe, is one of the few really good, decent folk left in this world (or my world, to be correct). And it's sad when it's the really good, decent folk that are left totally unappreciated. Kinda like Ms.Johnson*... R.I.P, she was such an awesome person, she actually gave a crap about how you were feeling, "How are you?" had real meaning when you spoke to her. Jane's not dead... far from it, but she might as well be the way people treat her.

So I just wanted to say thank you for all that you've done for me and for everyone that has ever come across your path. And maybe even encourage whoever reads this to really respect and appreciate those good people, we all know a few.

Now on a completely different note... do you ever get the feeling that something's changed when really, you've got nothin to back up the feeling? Not anything huge, just a tiny shift in the way things are that just maybe, might snowball into something bigger. Like in a friendship, when someone tells a little white lie and depending on which perspective you're looking from... either the liar or the lied-to knows something's not right, and though it's tiny it festers till bestfriends become just "buddies", and then only aquaintances.

I could be completely off my rocker... in fact, I do believe I am, so I'm gonna stop writing before I create another foot-in-mouth situation.

Please note that I no longer edit anything I write so... make what you will of that.

I HEART JANE AND DEREK*!!

*Names have been changed for no real good reason.

2005-07-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

SPEECHLESS...

Ever been left speechless? Not figuratively, I mean for real, someone said something to you or did something that left your mouth completely void of anything to say, or think, or do.

I'm kinda there right now, don't know what to say, too many things to think, and typing it... it's a pain. But I need to cuz writing has become my drug of choice. I hate doing it with all that is in me, but I need to, it must be done.

I love you Eric Campbell, you mean so much more to me than anything in this world. I can't believe how much you've given up for me, can't believe how much you love me... and I can't believe I'm posting this online where everyone can see it but once again, I feel the need.

I gotta stop typing, good night babe, I love you.

2005-07-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

THE FIGHT

Why do we feel the need to fight change? For the folks that know the situation I'm getting at, please don't assume that I'm just goin along with misplaced leaderships opinion on things, thats not it at all. I know for alot of us it's simply a matter of personal distaste with the leadership, maybe even a complete loss of respect (which is kinda the case for me), so I fight the fight of no fight, I guess.

For others it's nostalgia for the way things were... Oh what fun we had back in the day when all was well! I do believe a reality check is in order. The way things were was great for the few that were accepted... for everyone else it was an incredibly sad situation of being on the outside looking in at the awesome party goin on. Sure new people were coming in all the time but they were also leaving. The fight for the past is useless and unfair to everyone but the ones fighting for it.

I don't really know what the rest are fighting for... real leadership maybe? The chance to make a difference instead of being guilted for the lack of difference-making in the past?

I think here's a good place for me to say what I think and what, from my gathering, the leadership is trying to do.

1) The "gathering" is not supposed to be a place of entertainment or necessarily an invite-friendly environment... our retarded concept of needing to bring people to this building is wrong. Bring 'em if you want, but be the church... do church everywhere, there's no need to bring them to the church building and frankly you'd be doing them more harm than good if you did. Basically, we are no longer "attractional" but "missional". Get it?
p.s. Can we please admit that this really is a program and not a "gathering"?

2) Having gotten rid of our burden to be fun and exciting, it's time for our "gathering" to actually DO something. This is where I differ from the opinion of leadership. They want us to do it ourselves, get out there and change the world (cuz you know, we're all teenage superheroes). I think leadership should be leading the way, giving us opportunities, helping us find connections so we can make a real difference. They've made a start (The House), stop fighting them for making too little (which is an assumption on our part) of a first step.

Shall I summarize?... I hear no answer so I think I shall. Change what we do IN the building cuz it's no longer relevant (and I would argue that it never was) and push us to do more OUT of the building cuz there isn't enough being done.

Does that sound so horrible?? I don't think it does... so why are we fighting it with so much intensity?

I can think of a reason, but it wouldn't be right to put it on here. So there it is, I've got nothin left to say.

2005-07-14T18:50:00.000-07:00

the song of 06/14/05
it's not mine, i'm not that talented.

Days are passing so slow babe,
Hours turning into weeks,
And I am feeling so lonely,
I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Bridge:
With time on my shoulders
I am closer to the ground and though
I'm older I'm glad to stick around.

Chorus:
I am waiting all alone,
Ready for our bliss,
Counting down until you're home,
I am waiting for your kiss.

Nights are colder than ever,
With no one in my loving arms,
You know I feel so much better,
When you and I are 'neath the stars.

Waiting -Kyle Riabko

2005-07-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

To whom it may concern...(Ethiopian parents, ahem, ahem)

I was asked to write a speech for an Ethiopian shin-dig of some nature that was to take place this saturday. The subject was 'How to maintain healthy parent-child relationships' which is actually an incredibly relevant and difficult topic in light of the huge culture difference within our Ethiopian homes... differences which are impossible to explain unless you were born and raised in one. Unfortunately (AHEM!) I am not able to read this myself 'cause I have to go to work (very convenient excuse) but I thought since I did take the time to write it I might as well post it on here... hopefully whoever is assigned the task of reading my "masterpiece" will not get crap from unhappy listeners (another bonus for not having to do it myself). Enjoy!

I believe the number one, absolutely, most important thing for parents to keep in mind when raising their children is the culture that surrounds them... and this only becomes more crucial as they get older.

Today's generation is a much more fast-paced, technologically advanced group, everyone is always in touch with everybody and anybody at any time of the day... internet, cellphones etc. and this NOT A BAD THING! Keeping connected to the people that matter is good and healthy, it only becomes dangerous when the people on the other side of the connection are a bad influence. So how do we avoid this?

That's not up to you. Having raised your kids in your home with your principles and your way of life all you can do is trust that they will make the right choices, pick the right friends and do the right thing. Freaking out every time they don't will NOT help. Mistakes are a necessary part of life, everyone makes them and everyone learns from them. Let us make our own mistakes, but help us learn from them.

A couple of other things about the culture often clash with the older generation: clothes, music, dating, school and even the way extracurricular activities are run in the schools. Sports and music are considered to be important in this education system, please give your kids the chance to learn these things, extracurriculars are the advantage that canadian teens are using to get into good universities- an advantage that most new-comers don't use.

Clothes, music and dating are really not as big a deal as we make them. Every generation deals with these things differently and our huge culture difference only makes it harder for us. Yes, some of us like to stand out in a crowd, and yes, some of us just wanna fit into the crowd. Yes, we like our music loud, and a thundering bass is NOT satanic... it's just a part of our culture. And guess what: Girls do talk to boys, AND BOYS LIKE IT! Again it's just a part of the culture, because here, in this age and this place dating does not equal marriage, it equals a chance for two people to get to know eachother better, become really good friends, and maybe just maybe consider marriage.

A healthy parent-child relationship requires communication. Not "Listen to me while I tell you how the olden days back home were..." or "What I say is what you will do,". These conversations are not real communication, they are an excuse for parents to avoid the real issue- They are afraid of their children growing up.

Fear never helped anyone, it won't help you and it won't help me so stop being so afraid. A child sneaking behind his parents back because he doesn't have permission to be doing whatever it is that he wants to do, is in much more danger of what his parents fear than one who asked for permission, talked about it, got approval with a set of rules and guidelines and went on his way.

So in all this there are two major thigs to remember: 1) Canada today is not Ethiopia when you were a kid, understand the culture and come to a compromise. And 2) Talk, communicate, tell your kids you love them and care for them and are worried about their safety, but give them a chance to assure you, let them tell you how what you have taught them will keep them safe. And I suppose there is a third... pray for them, pray that God will lead and guide them in this hectic world we live in, and let them pray for you, for your parental guidance and the choices and mistakes you will also have to make while they make theirs.

2005-07-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

EXTREME LIKE

Wow, love can seriously mess with a person. And not just love but 'extreme like', if you know what I mean... I know alot of people that I don't believe understand what love is. Heck, I might not even know what it is!

So, this entry was inspired by a buddy of mine who we shall call Bob. He's been in love (but it's much more likely 'extreme like') with this chick, who we shall name Mary, for quite some time. Now, I don't know if Mary's just playing hard to get (though a year seems a bit much) or if she really and truly feels nothing for Bob (which would seem to be the case, considering the time frame) but she just keeps on ignoring him.

Bob is actually a pretty good friend of mine, he's a nice guy and not bad looking, I might add. But he tends to be... I guess you'd call it persistent (otherwise known as stalkerish). And after a year of crushing on Mary no one can really blame him but she just won't have him! He goes to church with her though he's not a christian, he shows up for everything she bothers to invite him to, he missed a huge sporting event (I can't specify the sport 'cause that would narrow down who this Bob character might be)... huge meaning HUGE (sorry, still can't specify how huge)... for her rather unimportant dance recital and she still won't give him the time of day.

Now Bob's upset that he can't see her for most of the summer because school is no longer an excuse to walk her home, or be in her presence at all... and this would be cute if I didn't know everything else behind the story and so I attempt to insert some phrases that will either help him get over her (which would be the ideal) or just make him feel better about not seeing her.

I settle for the latter as I realize the former would come across harsh and heartless. "Maybe it's a good thing (not seeing her)... a blessing in disguise even," I say. And when he asks for further enlightenment I explain to him that perhaps the time apart will give her a chance to actually miss his personality and all the attention he gives her... give her a chance to appreciate him.

I know this is doubtful as she is most probably rejoicing at the excuse of being rid of his constant existence... but it could be true and I pray that it is because maybe Bob really does love Mary. Mary isn't so hot herself... she's not very nice, not very bright or athletic, nothing that you would think would draw someone's attention (though I suppose that in itself could be attractive) but Bob still cares for her. A lot. Too much even. He must be seeing something we're not, either that or he really does love her and he's just realized her soulmateness sooner than she has.

Whatever the case may be, this is not the first cute (a.k.a pathetic) 'extreme like' story that I've had the pleasure (though not really a pleasure) of watching unfold and I'm sure it won't be the last. But I hope for the best while knowing it's unlikely because deep down there's a cynic in all of us, yet the romantic in us refuses to give in to reality.

And maybe it should be that way.

2005-07-13T07:42:00.000-07:00

The way that girl can break a heart
It's like a work of art
And this is the worst part
She knows it

And she's so confident
That she's what everybody wants
But nobody wants
Her to know that

So fall back on all of your premonitions
And just learn to listen
To those that have more wisdom than you
And just stop
Putting so much stock
In all of this stuff
Live your life for those you love

And I'm still waiting for
You to be the one I'm waiting for

The way that girl can turn a head
Well she is such a threat
But don't ever forget
She knows it

And she's got it all
All figured out
And she won't let you doubt
She knows it

I'm still waiting for You to be the one I'm waiting for

Something tells me that this is going to make sense
Something tells me it's going to take patience
Something tells me that this will all work out in the end

                   -Relient K

2005-07-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

PRAYER FOR DUMMIES

Before I jump into this (I'm not really an expert, it's actually a deceiving title) I thought I might give some background info:

My dearest Derek has decided that he would like to come home, apparently he's miserable up at camp and I'm sure a lil homesickness is kickin in right about now. But is it the right decision? After weighing the pros and cons of the situation over a long-distance call we came to a single conclusion : it's time to pray about it.

So... Dear Jesus. I pray that Derek comes home safe and sound cuz I miss him...

But isn't that selfish? I want him home because I miss my baby, but isn't that completely missing the point? This isn't about me.

Father God, please help Derek realize the opportunities he'd be giving up if he left camp, make him see that You've put him there for a reason...

That's not it either. He's miserable there, he wants to come home knowing the stuff he'd be giving up. So what the heck should I be praying for?!

I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what's best for my baby, I don't even know what's best for me. I want him to come home, he wants to come home, but there's so many life-lessons for him to learn up there... not to mention the cashola. But if there really is a God who cares enough to listen to my prayers I'm sure He knows what's best for all of us... He must know what the best decision for Derek is.

Please God, may Your will be done.

Now I'm no expert, but that sounds like a win-win situation to me, there's no way around His will anyways, right?

2005-07-08T10:16:00.000-07:00

I'm bored, so I just decided to say a "HEY!" to all those cool people that I dont know all the names of up at Medeba.... yeah thats it. Adios!

2005-07-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

Randomness

So there I was, dripping wet from the faulty hose I'd been using to water the grass, when I decided to sit on my front step and ponder the mysteries of life (not really, but work with me here...)

Needless to say I found no answers, but I did look up at the sky and become completely entranced by the funky colours the sun was creating among the clouds (it was nearing sunset time) and then I saw a friggin wicked plane fly by (Ode to Jared "It's a 747, duh!") and marvelled at technology and the intelligence of man. But of course some kind of bug had to come along and bite me, completely ruining my serenity, or so you'd think... instead of crushing it against my leg I watched it, and every other critter in sight and found some more beauty in even those things that irritate us.

I'm not sure if I was just in some kind of weird mood (I had been near some spray paint for a chunk of the afternoon) but I was amazed by everything I saw. Almost everything... my drunk neighbour didn't impress me much, but I'm sure if I tried hard enough I could've found something, lol. But after being quiet and still enough to notice and appreciate these things I came to two realizations. 1) I am SO fortunate to be living in a place this beautiful, lucky enough to be educated for free (kind of), food on the table, roof over my head. Dude, I'm rich! (wealth being relative and all...) And 2) There is no way our existence is an accident, those stars, my drunk neighbour, that abundance of gorgeous flowers in Leslie's garden and even that pesky bug that now carries a little bit of my blood...

Big Bang? I think not.

2005-07-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

the summer of '05

Once upon a time I thought I had fallen in love... I was wrong. But then along came the greatest guy ever- his name was Derek Jamble* and he soon became my best friend. The kind of person that makes you laugh even when you're crying, the type that forces you to see the rainbow even though you're shivering in soaking clothes from the storm that just passed.

So life's all peachy again, God is gracious, exams are over and a sweet summer of camp counselling awaits the better part of our youth group. Every weekend's been planned, everything, in fact, has been planned around our full-time jobs... fun awaits!

Until one fateful day when the phone rings at 15 students houses. "We are sorry to inform you that we no longer have a position for you..." and on and on she goes but we hear no more 'cause the rest doesnt matter. Can you hear the toilet flushing away all our sacrifices?? Oh, and there goes all that fun! Ciao, adios, aurevoir... it's all gone. And in the background that voice continues to inform us of how sorry she is (and I'm sure she is) but all I'm hearing is "Too bad hun, all that stuff you gave up was for nothing. Now you can scramble along with every other teen in the city for a job, and a crappy one at that!"

I know she hasn't really said any of this and is, in all honesty, really sorry about the unfortunate events that are unfolding... but it's so much easier to be bitter about all this, and I will be.

So here I sit, writing a friggin book about things that are not really worthy of being recorded. Danielle* is on her way to sunny Barbados, and Derek* got another cousellor job... 2 months long and 3 hours away from here. The rest of us scramble... I am now broke, jobless and without a boy/best friend.

And so it begins: The summer of '05.

*names have been changed, just cuz

2005-07-07T06:46:00.000-07:00

It seems to me like this is turning into an online journal which I suppose isn't all that bad seeing as chances are no one's ever gonna read this. So here it is: my journal of my awesomly fantastic summer! (note the sarcasm) That and a few random stories scattered thoughout because I have a somewhat random habit of writing these (indeed I tend to be quite random in general).

2005-07-06T16:16:00.000-07:00

I MISS YOU ERIC, YOU ROCK, YOU ARE THE MOST GREATEST MOST HANDSOMEST MOST AWESOMEST PERSON ON THE PLANET AND I LOVE YOU LOTS.

2005-07-06T15:34:00.000-07:00

story #1 (for lack of a title)

T'was the day after the day from hell and things really hadn't gotten much better. The pain from a football to the face was now a visible black eye, and a black eye is no fun... even when you're black.

So off to work I go after an unusually unpleasant day of institutionalized learning only to find that my fellow Tim Horton's worker was a slacker ("Always fresh" my foot!) expecting to be picked up by father dearest at the end of my shift. Apparently I had no right to assume that I had actually secured a ride home for I soon found myself at a street corner waiting for a bus while getting honked at by every other idiot that drove by with their bass blaring. So there I was, sitting on the sticky vinyl seat of the dirty transit bus (which, of course, was 20 mins late), thinking things couldn't possibly get worse (note to self: never EVER think that) when the stinkiest man I have ever had the 'pleasure' of meeting sits down beside me... "I like a woman in uniform," he grunts as I suddenly realize that I had failed to change out of my coffee scent infested timmy's uniform. "How 'bout a cops uniform," I retort... a lame comeback but it did the trick.

And now here I sit, recording the horrible minutes of my sad and pathetic day, my lamentable life, oh woe is me! Yet at this very moment a little Indonesian girl, my age but half my size, is sewing a shirt on the other side of our planet. The very same shirt I will buy next week for twice the pay she will receive this year. And right about now a poor boy from my native Ethiopia exists no more for that horrible murderer we call AIDS has reunited him with his mother and 2 sisters.

And here I sit. Doing nothing. Woe is me.