How well do you know your friends?

Not well at all apparently.

And I'm not one to use the word "friend" lightly. Of the 1700+ people that attend my school I know atleast half... and about half of those I'd call acquaintances. Of those apx. 425 kids, 4 are what I'd call friends. Four.

Four people that I would say I know pretty well: their likes and dislikes, abilities and disabilities, and their basic histories - good and bad. Evidently I was wrong because I learned a lot today that I never knew. And not stupid stuff like so-and-so told him that I like him or she stole my boyfriend. No no. It's more like a part of someone's life just isn't the same because so-and-so is a malicious biatch.

W/e. I'm sure there's tons more that I don't know. Maybe it's better that way. It just got me thinking... how well can you really know a person? Everyone has their walls set up, walls that protect from others, wall that protect them from themselves. Some come crashing down easier than others and some just won't come down at all.

"And it hurts when you're lonely and I'm standing right beside you. And it hurt when you told me that you'll try this on your own. Hope you never hurt. Hope you never cry. Hope you never lose your way tonight. Hope you never crumble. Hope you never fall. Hope you never throw away the.."

"Field workers at the Save the Children shelter in Korem witnessed a battalion of Ethiopian troops surround their camp and seize several hundred people. Tens of thousands were rounded up, weak and emaciated, and packed tightly into Russian transport planes and trucks. Some suffocated; some were crushed to death: pregnant women miscarried: families were split apart. Starving peasants fled in droves from the shelters rather than face deportation. Hundreds of thousands took refuge in Sudan. Thousands tried to escape resettlement camps despite the risk of being shot. 'If I can go home and spend one night with my family, I'll go, and if they kill me it doesn't matter because life here is useless for me,' one deserter told researchers. By February 1986, when the resettlement campaign was stopped, some 600,000 people had been moved; an estimated 50,000 had died in the upheaval." -The Fate of Africa

This is after the 1984 famine in Ethiopia. They say a million people died in 1984-5, but no one really knows how many.

I've read through 341 pages of this book dry eyed... I've been reading a history. It's over, done with, and I'm simply informing myself of what has happened in Africa in the last 50 years. Page 342 has me crying and I really don't know if I'm going to keep reading. Maybe it's because I'm Ethiopian and all this history finally has a personal connection. Maybe.

But I don't think so. I'm not the only one that was especially affected by this specific situation. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" and "We are the World" were a response to the broadcasting of the horror in Korem. Live Aid too.

Just thought I'd share... I think I'm gonna go finish my book.

"Knowledge is power"

But "Ignorance is bliss"

Weird.

Ah, the senior year.

So I've survived the first week of my final year... I think I can make it through the rest.

Anyway, I'm reading this book called The Fate of Africa (written by Martin Meredith I think??) and it's insanely interesting. It's basically a history of the 50ish years since independence. It's crazy. Like when the Belgians started dishing out id cards for the hutus and the tutsis. You know what they did when they couldn't tell the difference?? (over time intermarriages had blurred the already minimal differences) They counted their cows!No lie! If you had less than 10 cows you were labelled a hutu, the lower but majority group. More than 10 and you're a tutsi, priviledged, but still not equal to the belgians.

There's some other interesting stuff too. Like Nkrumah's (I think I'm butchering there peoples names, I'm sorry) new political theories. African socialism, apparently it always existed. Kinda makes some sense. Actually he was a pretty fascinating guy. His reasoning for establishing a one-party state (communism anyone?) was essentially that real democracy wouldn't ever come about if there was always debate from petty opposition and that multi-parties were only necessary for democracy in a society with more than one class (westerners). Therefore, according to him, because africans had only one class (is this true?), they only needed one party and were still democratic.

Most memorable part so far? Lumumba's freak out speech after hearing the lies of flattery to King Badouin (sorry again) on independence ceremonies in the Congo. "We are no longer your monkeys..." Gotta love it. Of course he ends up making enemies with everyone till the CIA wants him dead.

Crazy stuff. After a while of reading this book you kinda get the vibe that the africans should have just kept the colonial rule. The entire continent went into utter chaos for the next 50 years, the african leaders that came into power when the europeans left just couldn't seem to do the job. But is that their fault?

My thoughts? A political system reflects the society it belongs to, right? The governmental system that these african leaders had to take on were not their own but that of another people and so was doomed not to work. I think... And on top of that, the europeans didn't do a great job of exemplifying the democratic ways of their governments while they were in Africa.

Thoughts Abby?

Did ya miss me??

I'd kinda forgotten about all this (thanks for the heads up Abby) so I still need to get back into the whole groove of writing to an invisible audience... which probably defeats the purpose but hey, I'm a strange kid, what can I say.

So I just got back from YouthWeek (self explanatory, oui?) and I'm still processing a bunch of stuff. The theme was unity but that's not really what got me thinking... here goes:

My buddy Catherine (not real name, you know the drill) got a phone call half way through the week... a girl she had worked with for 2 weeks earlier in the summer had been killed in a car accident. Brutal news. Especially when you're surrounded by people so you can't really grieve, and you're out in the middle of northern Ontario with no way out. No way to get home, only one hope to get to the funeral and little room to breathe.

By friday it was official, she couldn't make it to the funeral, and the rest of us struggled to help her out. With some extremely inspiring effort we put together a little memorial kind of thing around a campfire. One guy said some words, some of us read some verses and two guys wrote a song. Something the first guy said really stuck with me: "This was not God's plan for Madison..."

Whoa. It wasn't? But isnt everything in God's plan? "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him," Romans 8:28. So, I thought that verse would reassure me that what I'd always thought was true. I had always believed that God didn't cause "bad things" to happen, but used them for his own purposes. And, in essence, I wasn't wrong, but I'd still always considered this a part of God's "plan".

But God's original plan was perfect. He created the world and said it was good, excellent in every way. It was us who screwed that all up. His "plan" was that we'd " know Him, and lead other to know Him too" -Shannon.

That's kind of encouraging, because I'd really struggle with a God who could plan that parents should bury their children.

Anyone ever notice how gigangtic the world is? There's so much to do, so much to see... so many decisions.

1st period today I wanted to be a historian (I was in history class). Then we got talking about liberalism and suddenly I was meant to be the next Prime Minister of Canada. Anthro brought out the Diane Fossey in all of us (never heard of? google her, smart chick she was). The solid logic of physics kicks in, then biology. Make biochemists of us all wouldn't you Del Maestro!

To be perfectly honest, I have no clue what I want to do with my life. Everything is so intriguing, everything is interesting. Children are starving, I'd like to feed them, gorillas are dying, shouldn't we save them? Build houses with Habitat for Humanity, dig a well in Sierra Leone, fight the government, be the government...

I want to be a rockstar, I want to save the world, I want to get married and be supermom, I want to visit each continent atleast once, I want to do it all!

But I can't have it all, can I?

Nope. Why couldn't I have a specific dream? My friends know what they want to do; 10 years from now odds are one will be a musician, the other a pilot, a soccer player, and a nurse. Me? I think I'll create a profession all my own, I shall call it "the life, today", then I could do everything and say it's in the job description.

A brilliant person once told me " I just want to live one moment at a time" I second that.

At this moment I am a 16 year old chick with the greatest goofball of all time as a best/boyfriend. I have a bunch of nutty friends and a head full of nuttier notions of life. Today I am Grace the simplifier. Tomorrow I'll be Grace the philosopher, then Grace the musician and so on and so forth.

One moment at a time I will be everything I was ever meant to be.

blah!

Exams are finally over!

Camp in 4 days, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeha!

Have you ever blown anything completely out of proportion? I think it's the constant theme of my life story: make everything so much more of a problem than it really is, worry yourself sick till you realize "Wow, it doesn't even matter!"

It's the truth! This weekend has been a perfect example of all this for me, a "kairos" moment if you will (thanks Dean!). No point into getting into details but I basically read a situation all wrong (maybe, maybe not, but again, it doesn't matter) and it really hurt me. Like alot, like the roof is caving in on my life and I'm not gonna survive it kind of hurt. It wrecked my entire day! And possibly my final french mark. I had to take the bus home from said "situation" and was wearing shoes that would have caused no problem except for it started raining!!!!! Yes, just my luck. So I was out in the freezing rain and my feet go numb so that I dont realize my shoes are scraping the back of my ankles raw. A random stranger at the bus stop noticed and said "Ouch, that looks like it hurts" Like the big baby that I am I look down and see the back of my shoes soaked with blood and only then do I feel the pain. Long story short, crappy weather got worse, cuts got more painful and bus ride took 2 hours instead of 1. Then I got home and cried... and cried and got about 20 mins of studying for my french exam before I crashed on my couch.

All over something I had no proof of.

Let's say I'm right (still not sure). God forbid the worst case scenario in my head is what's really going on, what am I really gonna lose? Well, a lot... but that's beside the point. The point is I don't know the blueprints for my life, they're in God's hands. And even though things can really really hurt, you never know what new opportunity just opened up because of the pain. Sometimes plan B works out better than plan A... and sometimes its plan C or D which kinda sucks but hey, life's like that for some of us.

I think my realizing that is making me a lot less stressed. I'm the kind of person that will probably get to plan J and K before things make sense and I envy you lucky kids that got everything at plan A but that's alright cuz experience makes you a stronger person. I'll be superwoman before I die and that's alright with me!

ODE TO J

I was out roaming the city the other day
When I spotted a 747 whiz by
I cursed under my breath as I began to say
"Darn you J, I can name that thing in the sky!"

So I get home and starting making my gifts
Santa's workshope for the ones that make me smile
Necklaces and scarves, to each his own fit
But nothing to give you, nothing worthwhile

I'd give you some cash but I'm much too poor
I'd give you "her" but she's not so sure
I'd give you a plane, that's got some allure
But alas I simply can't... and I'm all out of "oors" (LOL)

So here's my __________(insert adjective of choice) gift to you:
A cheesy bunch of mismatched lines
A poem, if to call it that you choose
A mess, I'll call it, with wretched rhymes.

"Loves" surely will come and go
And yes, the GTA will continue to grow
But that Constant remains constant when it's warm and when it's cold
To make those warm nights cooler and the cold ones glow

So don't you dare give up on life or it will give up on you
And don't you give up on God either 'cause your faith will get you through
When time begins to blur and everything fades to blue
Remember: someone still believes in you.

Grace Belayneh

Merry Christmas loserchild, hope it's a good one! lol